Epiphany?

So I have come to realize so much in these last few days.
Yeah, its my fault that I'm such a douchebag that I make people hate me. But, really, they should have said something to me. I'll stop if I know I'm hurting you. And like even if they don't tell me, I usually do realize it by the time its too late.
So what if the majority of my wing hates me? Fuck'em! I still have friends here. Yeah so what if they aren't apart of my wing, the friends I have understand me for me, not for the outside, bitch me.
The reason why I act like a bitch? Well I shouldn't have to tell you that if you're a real friend. People that know me for me probably understand why I'm such a jerk-off.
But those girls and I will probably never be friends again. They're immature for not understanding. Especially the one who moved out on me. We had one little problem and she fucking makes it into a huge dilemma. Whatever!
Guess what wing?! You elected me as wing representative! You FUCKED UP!

Guess what bitches? You just lost a really good friend. You should have looked past the asshole in me. Cause I'm not going to lie to you, I'm a bitch. I would say I wouldn't like me if I met me, but I really do like brutally honest people. I love them.

Oh and Oregon, I'm here to stay! So you'd better get used to me.

FIN

Today..

Today I had a mental breakdown.
The people here don't like me. I'm too honest for them. They're probably still all talking about me.
The moment someone has a problem with someone, everyone starts to tell everyone about every bad thing that person did.
Am I really the reason why you're so stressed and mad at the world?
If you're answer is yes, than you have got to be the worst liar on this planet.
Seriously, I should have stayed in San Diego. The people here are too nice for me.
And they all get offended when I try to be myself.
I'm not really that nice and I always speak my mind. I admit it, sometimes I don't even care to think about a persons feelings before I say or do something.
I'm just human. You can't change me.
I don't belong here in Oregon.
I want to go home, where my friends actually understood me.

Fin.

Update!

So I haven't posted a blog in ages. haha. I officially love college. My classes are kinda ghey but I really like the people here. Oh, and I like never sleep enough. Haha.
The food in the dining center is pretty foul though, it causes gas like none other.
So I am running for Wing Reprsentative. And I have my speech tomorrow night. And I'm scared as SHIT. Public Speaking is hella my phobia. But I'm pretty confident in myself. Fer sho.
So I've decided that I might want to change the major. I'm going to take a political science class next term and see how I feel about it. And if I really like it I guess I'm changing to a political science/history major. Fer sho<3
I seriously love the new girls I met here.
And theres this guy... BUT you know. Haha.
Anywaysss just a little update for ya!<3

Going away thing?

So this past Saturday I had a going away sort of function at my home. It was pretty successful. I got to see my male best friend whom I love most dearly.Though I will be seeing him and Jason again on Wednesday night. I think that party must have been the most fun I've had in a very long time. We played cards, sung karaoke, socialized, played video games, etc. It was a very fun day. I'm very happy I got to see a lot of my friends all together on the same day. I know some people had very good excuses for not being able to come, but to those who didn't come and can't give me a damn good reason why, well, they hurt my feelings. It really shows me that they aren't really my friends. But enough about realizing things.
Vincent and I sung a duet. and it was awesome! Though my voice does suck... haha. But every Asian sings karaoke.
I really don't like saying bye to people. Especially since I probably won't be seeing most of them unless we happen, by chance, to encounter each other at the market, cinema, or anything at that. Even though I'm not leaving forever, it's still hard to tell people bye. Especially when Jason sent me a text that said "i dont want you to go", I almost started crying on the spot. In fact, I am tearing up right now from thinking about it.
I actually do tend to be a softie even though I try to put up the mean sort of brutal honest appearance. I don't like being emotionally hurt, or physically hurt at that haha.

I guess what I'm trying to say is: being 1000 miles away from everything and everyone I know is going to be extremely hard, especially the first few weeks. I know I'll eventually get used to not seeing the people I adore, but I'll make new friends for sure.

=]

10 days.

So I have ten days left here in San Diego. Fun stuff eh? I'm still scared to start packing cause I start not feeling right. And I seriously don't know what I should bring, cause I know I have a limit. But I know I'll be wanting some of my things when I'm actually up there but I dunno.

I've been cleaning my house like crazy for the party. I'll be shampooing my carpet tomorrow because it strangely smells like cat pee. Damn my cats.

I, sadly, haven't really done anything for quite awhile now.

Life is crazy.

Making a blog?

I figure since I do tend to run my mouth on Myspace blogs all too often I believe I needed to make a blog. A friend of mine recommended this to me, so I figure I'll use it.

Today, I went to my long time friend, and prom dates, birthday party. Upon arrival I saw someone who I did not expect to be there. It was kind of a bad thing but I didn't bother with it. I, of course, began to fraternize and got into a conversation with an old middle school friend of mine. Then one of my friends, who I had a little rocky time with in high school, approached me and we conversed for awhile. She then told me how people were saying things like they wouldn't go to the party because I was there. I knew who she was talking about. My feelings were a bit hurt after that.

But I have come to realize, that things like this aren't worth me lifting a finger to try to fix. The girl was just a "best friend" in school. She never acted like a friend of mine when we were outside of that dreaded high school. And she had also decided that she'd get a posse of our mutual friends to "act against" me. I really thought that mutual friends were supposed to be the neutral ones rather than the ones taking sides. Everytime this girl and I would get into a bout, its the same people always taking her side. I never understood why I would always try to be their friend again. And it was just so dumb, one of them came and talked to me and it was quite obvious that she was being fake when she was talking to me. I could see her scowling whenever she walked by.

Whenever this kind of thing happens, I try to realize that I am not in high school, because I am obviously not. But it's just so hard to not be involved in these sort of things when you want to keep some of your old high school friends. She really needs to get off her pedestal and understand that the world doesn't revolve around her and her foolish wants.